Archive for the 'Books' category

Prayers for Ordinary Lazy People Prone to Self-Pity, Despair, and Hypocrisy…

September 1, 2010 10:22 am

malcolm boyd

It’s morning, Jesus. It’s morning, and here’s that light and sound all over again.

I’ve got to move fast… get into the bathroom, wash up, grab a bite to eat, and run some more.

I just don’t feel like it, Lord. What I really want to do is to get back into bed, pull up the covers, and sleep. All I seem to want today is the big sleep, and here I’ve got to run all over again.

Where am I running? You know these things I can’t understand. It’s not that I need to have you tell me. What counts most is just that somebody knows, and its you. That helps a lot.

So I’ll follow along, okay? But lead, Lord. Now I’ve got to run. Ar you running with me, Jesus?

I’m crying and shouting inside tonight, Lord, and I’m feeling completely alone.

All the roots I thought I had are gone. Everything in my life is in an upheaval. I am amazed that I can maintain any composure when I’m feeling like this.

The moment is all that matters; the present moment is of supreme importance. I know this. Yet in the present I feel dead. I want to anchor myself in the past and shed tears of self-pity. When I look ahead tonight I can see only futility, pain, and death. I am only a rotting body, a vessel of disease, potentially a handful of ashes after I am burned.

But you call me tonight to love and responsibility. You have a job for me to do. You make me look at other persons whose needs make my self-pity a mockery and a disgrace.

Lord, I hear you. I know you. I feel your presence strongly in this awful moment, and I thank you. Help me onto my feet. Help me to get up.

You said there is perfect freedom in your service, Lord

Well, I don’t feel perfectly free. I don’t feel free at all. I’m a captive to myself.

I do what I want. I have it all on my own way. There is no freedom at all for me in this, Jesus. Today I feel like a slave bound in chains and branded by a hot iron because I’m a captive to my own will and don’t give an honest damn about you or your will.

You’re over there where I’m keeping you, outside my life. how can I go on being such a lousy hypocrite? Come over here, where I don’t want you to come. Let me quite playing this blasphemous game of religion with you. Jesus, help me to let you be yourself in my life–so that I can be myself.

~Malcolm Boyd; Are you running with me, Jesus?

  • Are You Running With Me, Jesus? 40th Anniversary Edition
    Are You Running With Me, Jesus? 40th Anniversary Edition
    Author: Malcolm Boyd

Save Some Hellfire for Me…

August 16, 2010 8:34 am

“Vengeance is mine,” He says: with a right understanding of it, we might as well pray for God’s vengeance as for His forgiveness; that vengeance is, to destroy the sin–to make the sinner abjure and hate it; nor is there any satisfaction in a vengeance that seeks or effects less. The man himself must turn against himself, and so be for himself. if nothing else will do, then hellfire; if less will do, whatever brings repentance and self-repudiation, is god’s repayment. Friends, if any prayer are offered against us; if the vengeance of God be cried out for, because of some wrong you or I have done, god grant us His vengeance! Let us not think that we shall get off!

~George MacDonald, God’s Vengeance

  • George MacDonald
    George MacDonald
    Author: C. S. Lewis

A friend of mine recently wrote a summary blog article that I believe captures the usefulness of Hell in the process of personal sanctification and its horrible necessity by our demand.

Wisdom, One Slap at a Time…

August 13, 2010 9:31 am

I recently signed myself up to be slapped about the face 2 or 3 nights a week. I am learning as much as I can from each smack and surprise wallop to my cheeks, after all this corporal wisdom does not come free.

But it has quickly surpassed a “get the most slap for the buck” responsibility; I really think I need to learn something new about my stance in life and relation to others… plus it just feels good to be taught by a confident instructor.

I have been threatening for years to start down the path of becoming a ninja, well now is the time… and Bruce Lee is my teacher.

I finally walked all the way to my local dojo; which is about a block and a half from my house… my neighborhood just gets more awesome every time I choose to discover it.

Waiting at the Ambrose Academy was Rocco Ambrose (Sibok, or Teacher), with a confident, ready smile and lighting fast (yet gentle) smacks to the face. Wing Chun Do is the class, but humility and surprise is the teacher.

I am just now starting to realize how many years I have been treading water in so many do-it-yourself learning environments. Modern life can be horribly insulating and our tools of ready information retrieval continue to subtly trick us into thinking we do not need people anymore to learn anything.

Sure, I could fire up youtube and watch countless hours of horribly produced (and a few decently produced) instructional seminars on martial arts… but nothing will ever come close to the pleasant satisfaction of trying to punch Sibok Ambrose and have him block my feeble attempt and deliver three consecutive chops to my neck and face before I have the time to blink.

The isolation and disembodied culture of the emerging e-learning universe can not lay a finger on this type of experience. It’s like being parched and trying to drink an old bucket of jello compared to the fresh water of a live teacher.

You’re too stiff, loosen up… how are you going to be able to react to anything when you are so stiff…

~Sibok Ambrose

I could read this in a book or watch it as a lesson in a video, but until I have to practice against an embodied attempt to punch me in the face… this is the sort of wisdom that my person simply cannot absorb in any sort of significant capacity.

Maybe that is something of what Jesus was getting at with His personal analogy to that of Living Water… there is a well of religion that we return to out of necessity, and if we are paying attention we may actually be able to meet in person the source of all wisdom and life sustaining power.

13Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

~John 4:13

This is the sort of thing that makes Christianity a difficult, perhaps impossible, experience to enter into on our own power.

When I was growing up in the church there was a constant emphasis on having a deep and abiding “Relationship with Christ”. More often than not, this advice would spin me down the mental pathways of trying to conjure a special imaginary friend named “jesus”.

These mental games of trying to create a person out of my conscience, random searchings for evidence of The Holy Spirit, and aftermath providence interpretations of God’s plan for my life composed my personal integration of the Trinity.

But is it real? Was any of it real?

These are the moments of honest inquiry that can completely shipwreck a make believe faith… as they should.

To be honest, it can still leave me feeling queezy when contemplated.

To say Thou art God, without knowing what the Thou means–of what use is it? God is a name only, except we know God.

~George MacDonald, The Knowledge of God

He who does that which he sees, shall understand, he who is set upon understanding rather than doing, shall go on stumbling and mistaking and speaking foolishness…. It is he that runneth that shall read, and no other. It is not intended by the speaker of the parables that any other should know intellectually what, known but intellectually, would be for his injury–what, grasped, perhaps even appropriated. When the pilgrim of the truth comes on his journey to the region of the parable, he finds its interpretation. It is not a fruit or a jewel to be stored, but a well springing by the wayside.

~George MacDonald, The Way of Understanding #108

  • George MacDonald
    George MacDonald
    Author: C. S. Lewis

Presumption…

August 11, 2010 11:02 am

I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.

~Matthew 21:21

Good people… have been tempted to tempt the Lord their God upon the strength of this saying… Happily for such, the assurance to which they would give the name of faith generally fails them in time. Faith is that which, knowing the Lord’s will, goes and does it; or, not knowing it, stand and waits…

But to put God to the question in any other way than by saying, “What will though have me to do?” is an attempt to compel God to declare Himself, or to hasten His work… The man is therein dissociating himself from God so far that, instead of acting by the divine will from within, he acts in God’s face, as it were, to see what He will do. Man’s first business is, “What does God want me to do?”, not “What will God do if I do so and so?”

~George MacDonald, Presumption

  • George MacDonald
    George MacDonald
    Author: C. S. Lewis

A Little Thankfulness…

August 6, 2010 9:49 am

Thankfulness works in the Christian community as it usually does in the Christian life. Only those who give thanks for the little things receive the great things as well. We prevent God from giving us the great spiritual gifts prepared for us because we do not give thanks for the daily gifts. We think that we should be satisfied with the small measure of spiritual knowledge, experience, and love that has been given to us, and that we must be constantly seeking the great gifts. Then we complain that we lack the deep certainty, the strong faith, and the rich experiences that God has given to other Christians, and we consider these complaints to be pious… If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian community in which we have been placed, even when there are no great experience, no noticeable riches, but much weakness, difficulty, and little faith… then we hinder God from letting our community grow according to the measure and riches that are there for us all in Jesus Christ.

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

  • Life Together and Prayerbook of the Bible (Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works, Vol. 5)
    Life Together and Prayerbook of the Bible (Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works, Vol. 5)
    Author: Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The Good Work of Disillusionment…

August 4, 2010 9:40 am

On innumerable occasions a whole Christian community has been shattered because it has lived on the basis of a wishful image. Certainly serious Christians who are put in a community for the first time will often bring with them a very definite image of what Christian communal life should be, and they will be anxious to realize it. But God’s grace quickly frustrates all such dreams. A great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves, is bound to overwhelm us as surely as God desires to lead us to an understanding of genuine Christian community. By sheer grace God will not permit us to live in a dream world even for a few weeks and to abandon ourselves to those blissful experiences and exalted moods that sweep over us like a wave of rapture. For God is not a God of emotionalism, but the God of truth. Only that community which enters into the experience of this great disillusionment with all its unpleasant and evil appearances begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it.

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

  • Life Together and Prayerbook of the Bible (Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works, Vol. 5)
    Life Together and Prayerbook of the Bible (Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works, Vol. 5)
    Author: Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Premeditated Murder…

August 3, 2010 10:24 am

It may be an infinitely less evil to murder a man than to refuse to forgive him. The former may be the act of a moment of passion: the latter is the heart’s choice. It is spiritual murder, the worst, to have, to brood over the feeling that excludes, that, in our microcosm, kills the image, the idea of the hated.

~George MacDonald, Spiritual Murder

  • George MacDonald
    George MacDonald
    Author: C. S. Lewis

22But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother[a]will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,[b]’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

~Matthew 5:22

I have read that “Raca” roughly translated from the Aramaic means “You fool”, “Dummy”, or “Stupid”.

Apparently intellectual condescension is on par with murder, or at least it shares the same initial footing.

Free for Each Other…

August 2, 2010 10:38 am

The truth shall set you free

~John 8:32

Not our deed, nor our courage or strength, not our people, not our truth, but God’s truth alone. Why? because to be free does not mean to be great in the world, to be free against our brothers and sisters, to be free against God; but it means to be free from ourselves, from our untruth, in which it seems as if I alone were there, as if I were the center of the world; to be free from the hatred with which I destroy God’s creation; to be free from myself in order to be free for others. God’s truth alone allows me to see others. It directs my attention, bent in on myself, to what is beyond and shows me the other person. And, as it does this, I experience the love and the grace of God. It destroys our untruth and creates truth. It destroys hatred and creates love. God’s truth is God’s love, and God’s love frees us from ourselves to be free for others. To be free means nothing else than to be in this love, and to be in this love means nothing else than to be in God’s truth.

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, A Testament to Freedom

  • A Testament to Freedom: The Essential Writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer
    A Testament to Freedom: The Essential Writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer
    Author: Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It’s Going to get Worse Before it Gets Better…

July 28, 2010 9:52 am

He will shake heaven and earth, that only the unshakable may remain: He is a consuming fire, that only that which cannot be consumed may stand forth eternal. It is the nature of God, so terribly pure that it destroys all that is not pure as fire, which demands like purity in our worship. He will have purity. It is not that the fire will burn us if we do not worship thus; yea, will go on burning within us after all that is foreign to it has yielded to its force, no longer with pain and consuming, but as the highest consciousness of life…

…the presence of God.

~George MacDonald, Divine Burning

  • George MacDonald
    George MacDonald
    Author: C. S. Lewis

Faith…

July 27, 2010 8:48 am

That man is perfect in faith who can come to God in the utter dearth of his feelings and desires, without a glow or an aspiration, with the weight of low thoughts, failures, neglects, and wandering forgetfulness, and say to Him, “Thou art my refuge.”

~George MacDonald, Dryness

  • George MacDonald
    George MacDonald
    Author: C. S. Lewis

Timeless Confessions…

July 26, 2010 10:10 am

At 33, I find that I am especially prone to life reflection. There is a natural bend towards confessional writing as years of pretense and childish behavior finally give way to the inevitable decay of their charm.

I believe Augustine was 33 as well when he had his conversion experience and put to ink his monumental self diagnosis and theological treatise in the Confessions.

It is liberating to simply read and agree with this classic work. There are better than 16 centuries between our times, but in many ways the struggles, failures, revelations, and confessions are continuously one in the same.

I, wretch, was even as a child abandoned to Society, left at the edge of the arena where I was to contend, where I was more afraid of committing a solecism than concerned, if I did so, with my envy at any who did not commit it. I tell you this, and testify, my God, that this kind of praise was what I sought from those whose approval was my goal in life. I did not realize in what a maelstrom of ugliness ‘I was being swept off from your gaze.’ What could be fouler than the way I earned disapproval even from the worldly with my endless lies told to pedagogue, to teachers, to parents, so I could indulge my love of games, my passion for trivial plays, for re-enacting them with ludicrous clumsiness?

~St. Augustine, Confessions

  • Confessions (Penguin Classics)
    Confessions (Penguin Classics)
    Author: Augustine

Over the last decade of hobby and profession I have entered into the “arena” of modern media communications and independent film. Youtube now offers the allure of viral fame and an endless collection of “trivial plays”, remember when people used to mock the hundreds of useless cable channels? I know there is a good handful of authentically valuable and inspiring original clips on Youtube (nothing immediately comes to mind), mixed in with the ever widening catalog of the entirety of modern media chunked out into 10 minute clips… but I would have to put most of it into the classification of “trivial plays”.

My heart sinks a little bit every time someone looks at me with eager excitement and says… “Have you seen such and such!” or “I have got to show you this, it is so funny…” And then they scurry to Youtube while entreating me to come around and look over their shoulder at the next spectacle.

I usually do enjoy whatever it is (most recently the double rainbow guy), I will ask to see it again even… and then enjoy the shared reference as a comical overtone later in conversation. This is my cultural moment, and I do share in it…

Augustine’s “arena” was not exactly Youtube, remember this was a real place where real people were torn limb from limb by real lions for sport and spectacle. The comparisons between modern western culture and that of late Rome (Augustine’s time) is one that I am so familiar with that it has already grown thinly trite before I even knew the true context.

Even now, it is difficult for me to make the connection from the Roman Colosseum to what is now referred to as “War Porn”, all those leaked videos from military moments of obliterating violence. There is no context, just a first person view of a fluid stream of liquid metal killing people that I do not know… followed by a large explosion of a place that I do not recognize. It feels very different than even watching a movie, say something like Apocalypse Now or Saving Private Ryan, these are stories with people that I begin to know and the violence is part of their environment and personal narrative. No, “War Porn”… that is much closer to a video game… being behind a meaningless trigger that can be pulled as often as I like, with no relevance… just the juvenile glee of watching death and destruction in progress.

As reprehensible as this may be… it is the last of Augustine’s confessions on this quote that really grabbed me…

What could be fouler than the way I earned disapproval even from the worldly with my endless lies told to pedagogue, to teachers, to parents, so I could indulge my love of games, my passion for trivial plays, for re-enacting them with ludicrous clumsiness?

It is one thing to shirk responsibility and dodge wisdom for the enjoyment of something trivial… but to do so for the…

re-enacting of them with ludicrous clumsiness

…now that is a direct indictment that lands on the door step of every would be filmmaker. That desire to arrive at viral approval through the recreation of something enthusiastically base (an insult, a slander, a murder)… and a recreation that is even shoddy in comparison to the original…

…what a supreme waste of time, a Sin even.

A Youtube video (perhaps unjustly ripped from its film context) does now come to mind, one that I believe is much in the spirit of an Augustinian introspective confession.

Atlas Shrugged…

July 23, 2010 11:30 am

Atlas and Patrick

I have not read a page of Ayn Rand and I could hardly present what her philosophy of Objectivism is or means, other than to say that she believed that reality existed and it did not depend on our minds to do so.

Regardless, the title of her book Atlas Shrugged was the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw this image in a recent article on the Architecture of Saint Patrick’s cathedral in New York City.

Curiously, in the same public square, directly across Fifth Avenue and in his own confined enclosure, crouches one of the most aggressively pagan responses to the Christian faith ever promulgated by the arts. In direct alignment with the cathedral’s great western doors, long center aisle, and high altar of sacrifice, the long-shelved Titan Atlas struggles in obsolescent effort to carry creation. We thank Atlas, for his constant vigil lends unintended richness to the Christian tradition of penitential veneration.

~James McCrery; First Things, A Proper Place

Is the story of Atlas a response to the Christian faith or just another precursor that is reasonably aligned with it?

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.

~Romans, 8:22

The story of Atlas may have appeared as early as the 6th century BC, placing it well before the birth of Christ and Christianity.

I was recently amazed to learn of the nature of Augustine’s conversion being built upon the pre-Christian writings of Plato. When he read the theology presented in the gospels he saw immediate congruence with the wisdom of Plato, it made sense… it was rational. He was not trying to bend his mind into another dimension, he could just be honest about what he knew to be true already…

As a preliminary way of showing me how ‘the proud you rebuff, while favoring the lowly,’ and how great is the pity you show to humans on the lowly Path of your ‘Word made flesh in order to live with men,’ you brought to me a man, himself inflated with raging winds of pride, to acquaint me with certain books of the Platonists, translated into Latin from the Greek. What I found in reading them no precisely in these words, but saying the same thing in varied and very convincing ways, was this:’At the origin was the Word, and the Word was in God’s presence, and the Word was God. This was at the origin with God, and all things were made through it, and nothing was made without it. In it, life was made, and the life was men’s light, and the light shone in the darkness, and darkness could not control it.’ Further, that the human soul, however it may bear testimony to the light, is not itself the light. God’s word is ‘the true light that gives light to every man who arrives in this world’ Further, that ‘He was in this world, and the world was made by Him, and the world did not recognize Him.’

but this I did not read there: ‘He came among His own, and His own did not accept Him, but to all who accepted Him, who believed in this title, He gave the right to become God’s sons.’

~St. Augustine, The Confessions

  • Confessions (Penguin Classics)
    Confessions (Penguin Classics)
    Author: Augustine

It sounds familiar and it should, it’s basically John 1…

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

~John 1:1-5

Anyone who is conscious knows that there is a struggle going on in this world; externally and internally, its nothing new but it bears down fresh on every generation of humanity… “the weight of the world.” This is something every human can attest to, even with a pagan polytheistic cultural environment. But there is more, and this is what Augustine admits to as well…

but this I did not read there: ‘He came among His own, and His own did not accept Him, but to all who accepted Him, who believed in this title, He gave the right to become God’s sons.’

~St. Augustine

The scriptures brought him Christ. And in some way this photographic perspective of looking through the hollow atlas at the Church with a small yet centered cross is our continual testimony, mission, and commission. It is what the Church can do that mere philosophical or scientific speculation can not…

28″Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

~Matthew 11:28-30

Go ahead and try to hold up the world, try to fix everything in your own power… and when the banks fail, the ecology gets plundered, the noise is unbearable, and the loneliness is palpable even with 500 million friends… when you are truly weary and burdened… perhaps then you can shrug, drop the world, kneel even, and crawl across the street and into Communion…

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

~Romans 8:18-27